Aren’t Mother’s meant to be your home?

Why didn’t she protect you like a mother was meant to? Was it because she didn’t know how to, did she hate you because of the colour of your skin or did she crave love herself?

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Mothers are meant to be your home, somewhere you feel secure… Did you feel this? If you did why crave love from men so much, you would be beaten, raped and your soul would be destroyed. Where was your mother? 

You can blame the drugs, alcohol and abusive relationship but she chose that, she is missing something. 

You were a little girl craving a family, did anyone know you had a family in your dreams. The family would have breakfast together, go on holiday together, laugh and love together. You would visit this family every day it got hard.

You woke up to screaming and your mother getting beaten, police being called and being told to go back to your room. This was your normal Tuesday night.

Your brother leaves, but you're even more lonely now. You have to deal with it all by yourself. The parties, the abuse is getting worse you make up lies to others…. 

You crave boundaries, you want someone to tell you rules. What you need to do. You have attachment issues, your body isn’t yours. You let your boyfriend rent it out, you feel nothing, not even for him – why are you there? He protects you, tells you what to do, abuses you, you seek self-harm. That first cut releases the pain for a minute.

Isn’t this love…..