Autism Mum with depression

There is a stigma around depression. And a bigger one around mothers who have depression. If you’re depressed, you’re weak and Broken, you hate your life. That’s not true not for me, I am not broken andI love my life and am extremely blessed with such a wonderful family and everything we have. I am an Autism Mum with depression. 

My 3 year old son Jacob has Autism still ‘classed’ as Nonverbal although saying new words everyday. The most incredible little human with the most beautiful smile and eyes that will light up any room. I love him more than life. He is absolutely amazing.

Most days and weeks are great but then that cloud appears it is usually when Jacob is poorly. As you know Jacob suffers with chronic ear infections and has done since a baby. Jacobs pain tolerance has gone from high to very low. This means it’s the first time Jacob has felt a ear infection pain like this before. He hasn’t been eating, not sleeping, screaming constantly, he regresses and then eventually meltdowns and throwing everything.

He is in pain and I can’t fix it for him and to think he’s feeling it even worst breaks me. That’s heavy. Then add little sleep, and no school, and trying to figure Out if it’s more, have I missed something.

I love him so much, and then the cloud gets bigger I can’t see straight, Or think straight. I push every single person away from me. I become a martyr that will save my child. And protect him.

As mothers and caregivers we don’t have time to be sad. We don’t have time to get help. We can give so much of ourselves to our little humans and to our partners and jobs that we haven’t got time to be sad.

But depression is real. Recognising the signs of depression is good, and to have my husband I had to admit the cloud came back and I can’t be ashamed of this.  I love my life,  some days will be harder then others and my life has changed. That boy is my world. Today is a good day. Once I admitted this I felt an instance relief. I’ve got this you’ve got this, we will have bumps in the road. But we’ve got this. 

Stacey xo

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